1week

a week later, i am calmer. maybe it’s the shower & the ability to get up & share my mornings with one person instead of 30. walking around nervous on tuesdays, how i Hated Tuesdays. the programs that exist in this city don’t keep women from being homeless. instead it becomes a cycle that women keep repeating. the compass cascade program is failing women, not women failing it. the staff isn’t adapt enough to handle mental illness& don’t have the tact or ability to Teach women essential skills. in the past 2 months, i watched 20 women leave the same program i was in. most of them returning to street shelters not into housing.

hence, the program isn’t working. i was Lucky that i didn’t have to return to the streets. that i didn’t shed all my belongings in the house. i didn’t spend 3 days packing. the program has “supposed” rules that staff doesn’t enforce. they are not posted-there are no clear guidelines while you are there. if i ran the house i would have rules posted & the staff would be told Clear & simple ways to diffuse the situation, they would also not been Glamorized Desk Jockeys but social workers-on Every shift. women that would enter the program with drug addiction would have to pee in a cup once a month & if they don’t pass they would be asked to leave.

every warning would be a written. however, since social workers would be working the shift there would be a flow in the house & Actual Verbally Abusive behavior would result in termination not some inflated rule that has a scope that encompass anything. since, i was triggered by a bully twice & there was no consequences for the other party. the House Manager i had in the house was a Joke. she was inconsistent, sloppy & would have been better running a day care center than the house i lived in. IF i ever get the money i want to set up a transitional housing program with Essential life skills classes women would have to enter everyday. therapists on site& no Glamorized Desk Jockeys that are paid $20 an hour.

the House would be a place of Hope & of Healing-that i didn’t get. there would be Success stories because Every Woman homeless or not deserves that kind of Chance& Support.

Users/Haters

i  am quite flummoxed as for the First time in my life i was called a “user” by what i will call a under handed, unprofessional chemical dependency counselor; who in what was my monday ritual of house meeting extolled this to the Entire house of women. i was aghast-i had asked her if she was a former drug user herself when she chimed to me that i could tell her since i was One. when i got noticeably upset by her behavior she asked me what was Wrong. i should have gone to see “dark knight” and skipped the meeting but i responded & as i was already branded by the staff as “verbally abusive” & on my second strike they wasted no time in getting rid of me.

i had 3 days i didn’t use to leave, my friend picked me up early yesterday afternoon & didn’t leave much of donations to the other women as i still have a place for my belongings. i also have a roof over my head, a quiet house where the only sounds are that of a barking dog. considering i have lived with 30 barking women in the last near year it’s refreshing to be able to cook anything i want in the kitchen, walk into a bathroom without having to lock the door & walk outside without having to worry about 4 digit codes or checking in with staff before retiring to bed for the night.

i am disgusted with the transitional program i was in as i didn’t gain much knowledge about myself or what they deemed my “verbally abusive” behavior. i got stable on my medication did my chore flawlessly, but had no head space where i was able to think. i no longer have to worry about malicious gossip by the UNprofessional staff that ran the place or the women i was living with. after outing the chemical dependency counselor lack of ability (she Claimed she has a Gift.)  in the house i was Pleased to hear that The Actual Users in the house want very little to do with her. she shot herself in the Foot in the meeting where she was introducing herself to the women i used to live with.

i was called a “hater” for calling her out, something i have never been. if i was i wouldn’t have Friends. haters don’t have Friends. as a send off from me leaving the house i went out for coffee with a few of them. where the topics where the same old problems that have always been at Compass Cascade. unprofessional staff, bullies and gossip. things that Never changed in the time i was there. i gained no Great Knowledge about myself. i learned how to avoid the Bullies, staff that wasn’t supportive & functioned more like Glamorized Desk Jockeys with $20 per-hour job.

my days are my own again & it will take some time to get used to not having to Check in with my worthless case manager who egged me on & berated me more than she supported. or having to count days i can take out per-month, i can have a drink & watch my friends play in a band without worrying about Curfews, Caustic directors who swings from one pendulum to the next/changes with every other day & had one of the worst Fake Sweet voices i have heard in my life. it will take some get used to not sharing space with a bunch Bullies & unprofessional staff. but i am Looking forward to the Next Step in my adventure & am sure i can land on my feet, no matter what comes in my way.