paranoia/paranoid

i was diagnosed with my mental illness last summer & am finally becoming more comfortable with who i am & where i am going. i went to one of my favorite cafe’s where i ran into a few people i know & some that i would rather forget. a few years back i was i attempted friendship with a woman that on the outside APPEARED normal-but underneath was nowhere near it. i didn’t spend time with her because she was continually stalking her former lover, what she proclaimed to be a man of wealth that had tossed her aside-a rejection she couldn’t take.

in the VERY few months that i spent time with her she routinely changed her cell phone number-or changed phone& her employeers where always undermining her work & her progress. i don’t recall what transpired or what our falling out was, i do however recall calling her & her number had been changed Yet again. i just gave up-& shrugged her off. today, she reminded me of me a few years back, when i would routinely change my phone number because i had paranoid thoughts that didn’t make any sense. until i came upon the number i have now. a number i have no interest in changing.

what she reminded me of-& who she is scares me, her obsession with her former lover, renting out her house to random strangers & constantly feeling stalked is a sign of schizophrenia& intense & disturbing anxiety. today, she refused to acknowledge me, i doubt she even remembers who i am, she looked she had developed a meth habit & looked unhealthy. i sat outside the cafe& breathed a collective sigh of relief that she is no longer in my circle of friends. paranoia like the type she exhibits is destructive, her constant harassment of her former lover was something i found disturbing until i realized that she is a GOLD digger& not a very good one.

having my mental illness & being told that i am in good recovery was a great sign for me today, i was told i should do advocacy because i accomplished things for myself without the need of getting help. i am happy because this fall is going to be great, i am really looking forward to my new beginning& i am debating going back to school, seriously this time. i no longer feel like i am constantly being stalked or followed, i also don’t think that i can rule the world from my cell phone. i wake up in morning & deal with life as it comes-but i also recognize how grateful i am for friends i do have& the ability to see how mental ill someone was & my guess still is.

i am looking @ myself & not being afraid of what i see-because i am proud of the things i have accomplished. my steps are no longer small, they are powerful strides& because i am comfortable with who i am where i am going for the first time in 2 years i am not afraid of the future, not even running into people who are schizophrenic-because i may have my moments BUT my phone number won’t be changing because i do.

1.7 Billion-did you get a slice?

if you where one of the people glued to the Olympic coverage on the NBC networks chances are you don’t know how the largest dam in the world was built, or who Mao Tse Dong was(even though they would continually show his photo in their broadcasts.) or maybe that performers for the Opening and closing ceremony where held in small “camps” outside of beijing where they where fed very little& where held captive till their performances. NBC had marie carillo doing Light “reporting” about China as small snippet inserts in their primetime coverage.

she did all the tourist things, dumb americans often do when traveling abroad. she visited the worlds largest dam but didn’t mention how many people where left LITERALLY homeless because of the erection of the dam-or that there was parks that the authorities in China had set aside for protest, however they would either detain or arrest people that came with applications to police departments headquarters in beijing.  how NBC showered praise on the volunteers in their broadcast that where given very little & worked long hours without compensation. maybe the walls that the government raised around what they considered “ugly” parts of beijing trapping people for the duration of the games.

China has history of manipulating it’s population to do whatever the government desired. it began during the dynastic period when the emperors would use the rivers in the rural provinces to control it’s people. if they wanted people to do certain things they would spread the word through the rivers. hence, people began the believe that the rivers “talked” when new rules would be mandated. China is still very much a communist country & work camps are still in use for speaking out against the government, neighbor spies on neighbor& the secret police take people without notice of where they are or what happened to them. or maybe project 119 & the athletic “farms” where little kids are forced from their parents to participate in the “program.” the program is of course getting a gold medal.

yet, all NBC showed was glam shots of beijing& played favorite to the host nation. there was no Bad stories about China as the goal of NBC was to keep it’s audience warm & fuzzy for it’s sponsors such as exxonmobile & smithkline beecham who ran lyrica ads throughout the taped broadcasts. the Olympics are over& the closing ceremony showed under nourished performers who looked scared & trapped. hopefully China’s firm hold of its people will change in the future, but i doubt it! there was no embarrassing human rights protest during the games, nothing embarrassing happened-but it should have as gleaming pictures of a dynastic & troubling country got to keep it’s dirty secrets thanks to NBC.

“live”Olympics

i have been seething the last 10 days, maybe it’s the icon that says Live on screen when i watch the Olympic coverage, maybe it’s the incessant political commercials, exxonmobile& a wide variety of other large name companies that have bought a piece of the Olympic NBC coverage. i watched the women’s volleyball 12 hours after it had been played & NBC still called it Live. NBC didn’t even show Phelps 8th gold Live because they wanted to show the women’s marathon which was decided early- events have been covered

sporadically. i watched women’s gymnastics the other day & there was a Nordic country that was ranked in the top 10 that they gave No airtime to. or maybe the fact that NBC on it’s non cable channel is selectively showing countries that are ranked as “favorites” & profiling athletes from other country that have either not medaled or haven’t been ranked in the world top 10. when i write the world top 10-i mean the athletes that come in within the top 10 mark in competition. i don’t have cable so i can’t check out what NBC is airing on it’s affiliated channels, but i found out from Yahoo how the men volleyball team did as Yahoo does a web cast of the what happens in the overnight for the US & makes it a point to show who is advancing in all the sports.

i can go to Yahoo’s main page to see how the US is doing Hours before NBC will show it Live. i well aware of the 15 hour time zone difference & Know that what i am watching is NOT Live. i don’t like the graphics that NBC uses when it introduces the Olympics on TV-the swirling Olympic Rings look like a bad acid trip rather than Olympic rings. there is some no-name day time reporter i have never seen before who sits & does the Playback of what happened during the Night. i have begun checking the scores of the medals online-i don’t have to watch another political campaign to watch them or listen to how exxonmobile is feel Good company reaching out to kids& malaria in africa. i like how exxonmobile is using

the Olympics to showcase itself as a Feel Good Gates Foundation look alike with it’s campaign against malaria in africa. i still view them like the evil empire they are. as for watching the remainder of the Olympicson NBC i am Burned out from all the advertising the scripted & played back events. i am thrilled to have watched Phelps-even though tape delayed & not Live. i think i will switch back to CBS & ABC & catch the remainder of the Olympics on Yahoo.