alfredo?

sounds appealing…? i spent the weekend running around with my partner & discovered a really Bad cook @ restaurant we went to yesterday. the sauce was runny, pasta was microwaved & was clumpy & severely undercooked. Gross. i had eaten almonds for lunch & was looking forward to some comfort food for dinner. i became depressed by the meal, as i felt it was a mirror of how i have been feeling about my life recently.

dealing with housing & how hard the process is, has really begun to take a toll on me. i guess it’s life & i have to grab life by the horns & find a solution. i am still calling a list i was given, asking about applications & if they would accept me. i am also starting to believe in myself a bit more than i have been. i became centered on my living situation recently about all the Things i don’t Have. when i realized yesterday @ dinner that i have a roof over my head, a place to sleep, a way to write & my friends. even with my life being what is has become the last year i am Lucky. i was able to find housing & a program that cares about the people that are in it.

things in my life has been tough the past month, i was rough on my partner because of my constant self doubt, that became my parade you could say. i became over-hyped about things that where in my head & not Real. having my illness means i have to take a look @ how i process situations around me. what seems easy to someone else becomes a mind maze for me. i made a deposit today & was told i wouldn’t have access to my money for a day; that really Freaked me out. customer service is depleting like most of our needed basics rice & fuel. i was even told to go & deposit my check @ another bank. Wow! like i said customer service is going down the drain.

the situation is over but in my mind i am over-processing what happened because i lost my temper for a meek second; but regained composure the process went smoothly even with the so-called unprofessional manager @ the bank. so i am sitting spinning in my head about how i acted when i was there& how i was treated & what could have happened but didn’t. i think this is the hardest part of my mental illness realizing that everything passed & i was okay @ the bank even though i lost my temper they still did the transaction. the Maybe is the hardest part. it’s also what i tend to focus on, much like i have my living situation the last month. Maybe keeps spinning in my head, when things start to turn that is what i do i think about the Maybe, which isn’t actuality or rational.

that is where my mental illness becomes the hardest for me to cope with; it’s wondering if something worse will happen when nothing worse did. i am not broke & will be able to get to classes i am teaching. much like things in my life will happen i just have to survive the rational aspect of it& not have blend & become non-rational in my head. when my world begins to spin i start to focus on the Now. because Now is where i am & Now is where my head needs to be. Breathing & realizing that i will be okay, no matter what Happens.

till next time support 100 mile rule & shop local.

waitinglists

the last few weeks have been nagging at me-after getting rejected for not having stable enough housing history from one of the bigger local low income housing places i felt desolate & worried. even though my partner has been cheering me on saying i have nothing to worry i about. i worry. i live in a city full of condo’s coming up everywhere& most of them are becoming empty because people no longer can afford to pay for them. i called around to 5 out of 10 agencies that specialize in low income housing & found out that their wait lists are staggering & long. unrealistically long. what do i do?

since moving into transitional housing 6 months ago-i thought finding housing would be easy. send in a few applications & see what happens. i was discouraged when the local housing management for the county has a 4 year waiting list & i was still urged to apply by a social worker. ha?! i have the application but i doubt i will do anything about it as the wait list is long. hence, i am going to start from scratch by calling places i was urged to reach by my case manager. it’s start & the program i am in don’t want us to end back on the street, it’s one of the things they don’t want. however, it doesn’t make my stress level any easier. where do i go?

i was asked recently what i would do if i actually had money, enough to live on & maybe get a house. i would move back to one of my favorite neighborhoods & i would open a non-profit with the remainder, help a friend renovate her house. i would spend most of my time working within my non-profit & give back to the community. because community is where we are& what we do. i was also asked a(n) interesting question if i was asked out by a someone in hollywood. ahem. i don’t want to be a girl on some guys arm who makes all the $$$$$$. i would want to established in my own right before i would go out with a guy that has social status in hollywood. i have never been Turned On by status that way, growing up outside of NYC & being surrounded by wealth for most of my childhood has made me oblivious to money. even with my social situation being what it is

in 6 months i want to make it on my own. if i am imparted help that i didn’t ask for then i may say yes. however. i want to make out of being on the otherside of homeless on my own. i have made this far on my own & i plan to make it. period. ending up back on the street is not an option.

ironicCoffee

i moved to the best coffee capital in the US nearly a decade ago & fell in love with the smell of roasted coffee-& coffee houses that had cupp(ings.) the other weekend i am out with my significant other-& we’re cruising all over the city, procrastination never smelled so Good. i went into a new cafe and discovered they carry out of state coffee company. what is Stumptown-it’s a descent roaster who’s main HQ are in Oregon & a company that has infiltrated the local cafe market. something i am quite sad about. it’s not like getting coffee is hard in seattle, it has never difficult to get good coffee. as i am writing this entry i am drinking it because the place that carries the cupcakes i love also have Stumptown.

this city is full of ethical roasters, organic roasters & even macro roasters that have won awards, thankYou Zoka! however, it’s sad to see that with all the choices in this city cafe owners are importing coffee from as far away as chicago & oregon. i am wondering what happened to being Local??? i believe in the 100mile rule that came out a few years ago. granted coffee beans are not grown here in washington. here i am sitting drinking coffee that was roasted locally but who’s company is based out of state. weird. really weird. that is the Irony of what is happening here in seattle. blog continues under picture.

i have some growing fears in the next 6 months about what will happen in my life. however, i wake up everyday & realize that i have to believe in myself & my abilities along with having the ability to cope. something i proved to myself last summer when things became rough. i still managed to Cope & to handle what life threw @ me. i am sure i can still manage whatever happens. i have been through enough to start to realize that even when things get bleak i can see light @ the end of the tunnel.

till next time, take sometime and support Your Local vendor!