stressors

today, made me realize why i am on medication and why i have always needed it; when i mistook my BF’s not answering his phone i began to create false images in my head. something that is common with people with SADO, however-i have began to catch myself when i do and he was kind enough to tell me that if i was Freaking out i could call. knowing that and knowing myself that is a huge sigh of relief.

i am realizing that i have to take one day at a time steps and allow myself space. something i am not used to.  i also can’t take my trip because of how early i am in the program, that makes sense  really bumming me out. i may need an emergency bagel drop-as i don’t know when or if i will be able to go.

since, getting my diagnosis of SADO i am beginning to see my own triggers and what they are; a huge step for me as i am looking at how i act and why. today, i had a really lame argument in the house with a woman who is clearly Unhappy and wants the rest of the world to be the same. i found her actions really sad, because i like her. it’s tough living in a house with 30 other women, each day something different happens, today all the ‘action’ was in the Kitchen.

it became tense and uncomfortable, even for me. i have to take it with a grain of salt and let things go. everyone is entitled to have a bad day as long as they don’t drag everyone around them with them when it happens. my friend on the left coast cheered me up by throwing chicken at me on facebook (LOL.)  i thought it was really Funny! it also cheered me up.

till the next day strikes.

where did the art go?

marble counters@ my favorite coffee house is Great; for the first time since i lost everything in August i am back. i was thinking back to 9.11 this year & how i wasn’t wearing my 6Line shirt with my black skirt, making me really sad. i have since found the shirt but haven’t taken it out storage. i feel like i am not ready to wear it.

it’s that sundayBrunch hour & sitting @ my favorite coffee house feels good. small steps to me reclaiming what i lost this summer. last night my BF and i went to what was an artwalk; turning into finding shoes for $400 & the lack of art which was depressing. i had us start where i knew there was art & ending where there wasn’t any. we found 3 places that showed art, the rest was all shoes, clothes & being seen.

the bridge & tunnel crowd was huge obvious to spot in their Cruel shoes they could barely walk in. cobble stone streets & cruel shoes are not a good mix. now, i am just people watching in my favorite place, working on a pitch for a local work gig. maybe one of these days i will see some Actual art @ SAM Seattle. although all i have heard about them is that there isn’t  anyThing to see.

stay happy.

flinging about

showtunes, are bellowing from nearby speakers a selFish fling was seen today-there isn’t a fullMoon but my world feels like there might as well be one. maybe, it’s the fact that i am happy in relationship and what was is not was is. tomorrow-i will Actually Be Busy for an entire day, running to where the norse are, dressing up and running errands.

the thrill of not having a bus because of issues with electricity issues rendered me to stay in the neighborhood-hazardous to myself as i get instant cabinFever. the old me is glad i no longer chase what was. something i used to find Fun; maybe it’s the challenge or just inability to let things go. job hunt is aFoot.

doing the chore of self-editing is exhausting especially when i have sent to some pretty large companies. i am all Fleeced out watching the uberkewl panty hose walk by where i am sitting. when i fly next i will be wearing these super comfortable fleece yoga pants. that brings me to my next subject my favorite jeans(6 year life span) are on there last legs, inappropriate rips would be one reason why i won’t wear them without covering up.

i also enjoy people watching, between this coffee house and wholefoods it’s paradise. i saw a woman that qualified for what not to wear. the outfit reminded me of some sort 80’s hooker the jeans and the heels where that tight. Ouch. when she got into the porsche it may as well been in the mid 80’s all over again. did i mention the bleached out hair.

more to come, the buses will be running tomorrow. :0)