annie lennox& latte’s

here i am sitting across the street from one of my favorite outdoor stores, people watching with my addictionto latte’s. it’s warm and cozy and the coffee hit the spot; usually does. Internet dates, people that wear gore tex in the city when the temperature drops below 40 degrees. sitting @ one of the few Vivace’s in town, famous for obvious reasons! annie lennox blaring in the background.

i got up before 10am this morning to catch soccer @ my favorite English bar, sipping coffee and juice while i watched ManU regain the #1 position on the EPL Table;that was Arsenals, ahem, whoever they are. just kidding! i watch with 20 other fans that scream when our players fail to make the play. i drank twice in the 8 months i watched soccer,  when we lost to Chelsea in the Champion final and during the middle of the season when a friend bought me a shot & boddington. drinking @ before 5pm is lame and something i never part-take in unless i am @ a party, or social event.

i am defensive because i am Mandatedto see the rehab counselor and go to “meetings” for something i don’t have actual issue with. i have No temptation, cravings or withdrawalfrom not drinking. i made the mistake of saying that i would have a SingleBeer when things in my life was rough, immediately it’s assumed that i Do this All the timewhen i am under duress. this past summer i couldn’t drink because of the medication i was on, and the fact that i didn’t want to lose the homeless shelter i was in. Duh! the counselor

tried to tell me that i have “used” alcohol in the past when things in my life have been rough, this past summer was one of the hardest 3 months of my life-& i didn’t Use Alcohol Once. now, i am roped into these meetings, and meeting a counselor one on one. back to annie lennox, in a few hours i will be Mystique from the X men, a costume that should be interesting, as it’s the firsttime i will be wearing a wig! 

addiction

first let me start off by saying that i have been close to needing recovery but it was 11 years ago that i needed it. i also know that recovery programs have begun to critically focus on past addiction problems, making them a forefront for current situations. i am really peeved, as someone with addiction to good coffee; being rained into see a rehab counsler, i wasMandated to attend meetings i don’t have the need for!!

in a small nut shell i have sipped a beer in the last 2 months sharing with my boyfriend.  i am in transitional housing & i have been roped into meetings and meeting with a counsler one on one. when i confronted the director she told me that the drug/alcohol counsler would have to write me Off from the meetings.

i have the $20 rule that i was using up until nearly 6 months ago when i had no money to go out with. what is the $20 rule it means i usually have 2 drinks, martini’s that i drink Slowly as for me it’s about enjoying the drink, not getting drunk. when the $20 is gone i am done drinking. Period. apparantly i have 10 days to figure out what i want to tell rehab counsler about my “habits.” she told me that i’d have10 days to “figure out” what i “needed” to “ask” her. ? what?

the next days i have feeling i will be writing more, as this is my forum and where i am comfortable. my folks and my BF are astounded as am i. i just finished my second coffee, a macchiato. coffee GoodCoffee is my addiction. the better the shot, and the pour of the milk is my sole addiction, being a coffee snob is an Expensive habit to have in seattle. i should know-living here.

cupCakes

this week has been crazy enough to make my headspin, but it also woke me up to a bad trait that i have that is feeling responsible for people other than myself. i am sitting @ cupcake royal in ballard, a place i haven’t sat since early july. weird to be back as soo much in my life has changed. i had no idea i would miss this place as much as i did.

being a somewhat of a people watcher i missed that when i was in the shelter, as i was barely comfortable getting coffee @ my favorite places. now, i feel like i am getting all the places i wasn’t going to back. i learned my triggers this week, what makes me reactive with my SADO and what doesn’t. seeing how i act and why has been a learning curve in itself. i have been asked to come and hang out at a non-profit coffee house

next week. learned that it’s okay to Freak out as long as i tell the people that love me in my life that i am triggered. i am not ready to go deeply into my SADO yet. i am sure i will at some point as it’s quiet common and there are plenty of good drugs on the market. till then i will enjoy cupcakes, laughter and everything in-between.