day 7

7 days since i left the shelter..my first full 8 hours of sleep! today, is a Big day in the program i am in; it’s about how i fit in the house and what my potential is here. i found a calendar yesterday called “intentions of 08″ i looked @ & decided that i would in fact Buy it for my new room. the front page says “dwell in possiblity” something i didn’t know would ever happen.

the dwelling in possibility of course and sleeping a sound 8 hours on a mattress with a room and my own window;  day 7 is exciting-it’s also My Lucky number. i am hoping that it will stay with me today-through the meeting & food shopping spree at the store later? Real Life-the way the shelter was to me was Harsh,

but i learned who i Trusted and why. i didn’t lose my stuff although the washing machine @ the shelter shredded my Favorite pair of underwear. but it’s clothes That can be replaced, i can’t. i am debating making a clothing donation run within the next couple of weeks, the things i have that i don’t really wear, taking all my clothes here is not something i am going to do.

i don’t have the space that is making re-think Every-thing.  it’s one Step @ a time. nice and slow-Breathe. that’s what i am going to try to remember, it’s the Most important. that’s how i survived 2 months on tiniest camping gel mattresses i have ever seen. i Breathed every night i felt the hard floor below my bones, when i began to roll off-but i taughts myself how to sleep even on them. the Street was Closer than i ever Thought i get to it.

i didn’t. i found my strength and began managing my meds & finding a mattress on a floor-i savoured the weekend at my friends house, the brief glimpses of the Life i thought i would lose my close friend wouldn’t let me. he Dragged me to places i was loved often me in 2 days worth of the same clothes, often wondering if people could see that i was living out a small black backpack. i know my favorite librarian knew-but they Never asked.

Thank Gawd. such is life on day 7. it will be the only week i will ever count again. the Rest will be hard-finding myself, but i know what i want out of life. For me. Now.

part_time

for the past 2 months my life became meeker than i ever expected, balancing new medication & floor mats every night changed my view. how fast we can go from a warm, comforting place to a cold, barren and desolate one even if one is surrounded by people. i slept on the floors of churches who treated us like some part time project-Only On the Weekends-to churches who Treated us like we where little kids-Grown women.

life Perspective changes when everyday things shift in waves. i was balancing a new medication-a private story i may share later wondering where my head would end up. i mastered how to use a push button shower, watching my things every 5 minutes making sure my wallet didn’t get legs or my cell phone. which i now i view a lifeLine and may have saved me from hurting myself. who knew a small piece of electronics would mean so much in the end?

now, my days slow a new kind of progress as i was Luckily accepted into transitional housing-where i have my own door, a lock, a way to do laundry and Breathe. Inhale and Exhale which up until today was something i only did on the weekends; where i slept in plush beds and where i was Dragged out by my boot straps to remind myself that people still Respect and Love me.  i began falling for an old Flame in a different way than Before; due to my medication and circumstances.

each day i Believe. i won’t ever Forget how to. till next time-the new and improved undercover singleton.